In addition, the flickering flourescent lights were painfully annoying.

For historical purposes, the following is the original review and photo for the old City Billiards from January 28, 2003.

Dingy and forelorn, this pool hall restroom has definitely seen better days. Various graffiti and damage mars the tiles, mirrors and stainless steel walls. Meanwhile grunginess triumphs over cleanliness in the everlasting jihad of restroom maintenance. One nice touch, however, was the nearly overflowing ashtray adjacent to the men’s urinal.

To its credit, the restroom was remarkably clean and new. Most of the fixtures required touching – but touching them didn’t seem quite so bad because of their immaculate condition. (Also, the patrons themselves seemed like a well-kempt bunch — probably showering daily and whatnot.)

EDITOR’s NOTE: This restaurant no longer exists.

“Fine, just dandy.” I’d say.

“That’s a lie, son,” the other fisherpeople said. “You have to pee now dontcha boy?”

I tooka my hat off and scuffed at the ground a bit. “Yessir.”

“Well then you best be on your way then. Go on, get!”

The crapper here is a square chimmney-like hole, covered in streaks of splattered liquid feces, the remanants I’m sure of many bodies purging out the uncooked pork brats and the lactose intolerant ice cream cheese bar treats and braunschwaggwer flavored beer. Ah, lets make that “treets” instead shall we? Good boy.

As I sat on this thrown, I pretended I was Dick Van Dyke in the movieshow, “Mary Poppins.” I pretended that as a chiminny sweep, one of my tasks was to sit on top of somebody’s chimmney and crap in it, and then sing a merry song about my deed.

Would you like to hear my song? Okay, boys and girls. I just knew you would.

Chim-chim-iney, chim-chim-iney
Chim-chim, cheroo,
I had to drop my drawers
on top of your flue!

Chim-chim-iney, chim-chim-iney
chim-chim, cher-ey,
Since I made a BM down your hearth
Then I may as well also pee!

Chim-chim-iney, chim-chim-iney,
Chim-chim, chim-choy-let
The view from your rooftop
Is the view from my toilet.

- Justin Teerlinck

EDITORS NOTE: The library staff request that you NOT take periodicals into the restroom. If you do, please do it discreetly so they will not be forced to yell at you. Ironically enough, yelling is also not allowed in the library.

While well lit and clean (save for the small excrement flecks lining the toilet wall), I felt uncomfortably small and unimportant in this made-for-one bathroom which is larger than some Manhatten flats. I began to wonder if destroying wetlands, natural prairie and farmland to create unnecessarily large restrooms was really worth it. That aside, I marveled at the sturdy and satisfying door lock, which managed to save me from more than one embarassing bust-in. The paper towels were well stocked and the push-button hand dryer was mildly pleasant.

That said, the three urinals in the mens’ room were uncomfortably close to each other and sans dividers making for a very awkward 15 seconds (or 30 seconds if you succumbed to the upsizing ploys at the snack counter) of bladder drainage.

Having the ability to serve hundreds of patrons in a few minutes is a rather impressive feat. However, scrapping form for function is not the only option.
Some ambient noise (how about piping the radio broadcast of the game into the restroom) or more interesting color-scheme may have made for a more pleasant experience.

Adding advertising also would’ve provided reading material for fans while bringing in more revenue for the stadium.

I began to wonder upon what circumstances this neatly curled chunk of dung came to rest on the toilet rather than in it. What kind of person performs an act like this? Were they even aware that they did it?

Terd’s aside, this bathroom featured a few redeeming elements. There was a baby changing station, a nice framed illustration of a sailboat, and newer accessories. That was not enough to make up for the muddy floor covered with toiletpaper and of course… our little brown friend.

The overall cleanliness was a bit tepid with refuse on the floor and various liquids (water and urine being the most popular) aspersed here and there. However, this restrooms savior was the shiny red and black tile which added a certain flair without sacrificing tact.

Enjoy it while it’s still there. The Vikings and Twins won’t stand for it much longer.