Restroom Ratings » Michigan

Pirates Cove Adventure Park

Jon — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Arrrr! What better way to end a grueling 18 or 36 holes of mini-golf than by visiting the "Mates" and "Maidens" facilities located behind the club house, that is, if’n you’ve drunk enough grog to make ye weak in the knees. Arrr! And it be quite the can, with bright yellow walls, a locking door, running water (cold AND hot. It be paradise for this pirate), and even handsoap for you softy landlubber types always ‘fraid of diseases (the only disease that shivers me timbers be the scurvy). Let’s hope the maidens line is a wee bit shorter next time.

Grand Traverse Mall

Jon — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Those unfamiliar with Traverse City Michigan may think they will be encountering a very LARGE shopping structure (perhaps containing dozens of restrooms) when they hear the words "Grand Traverse". In reality, however, the Grand Traverse Mall is not any really grand – but rather typical of any other single story suburban shopping environment.

The mall contains two sets of restrooms. Might I recommend the restrooms closer to the Target as they are larger, cleaner, brighter and have more features such as Harley Davidson tattoo dispensers. Yep, for those of you who left home in a rush and forgot to apply your daily temporary tattoo, this restroom will be a welcome relief. For a mere 50¢, you will be back in action. If Pee Wee Herman had one of these at the rowdy biker bar in Pee Wee’s Big Adventure, it would have saved him a lot of hassle. Of course, then we would have never donned platform shoes and performed a heartwarming rendition of Tequila!

Don’s Drive In

Jon — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

A classic 50’s era drive-in diner with all the typical embellishments, this restaurant is a Traverse City landmark. The restroom, however, has a notable lack of chrome car parts, Elvis posters, vintage Coca-Cola ads or any other post-war Americana memorabilia. The wood paneled walls harken back moreso to the late 70’s.

Inconsistency aside, the restrooms were a bit unkempt (just look at that wastebasket) and I often found the narrow hall leading up to them crowded with patrons waiting their turn to use the single-person facilities.

Detroit Metropolitan Wayne County Airport

Jon — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Weary travelers arriving in or departing from Detroit’s airport will be treated to a completely touchless restroom experience. From the urinals to the paper towels, everything operates with the wave of your hand (even the soap) and as with all airports, there is no door to mess with.

Sadly, the particular restroom I visited suffered from a design flaw which may lead to embarassing or dangerous collisions. Once in the restroom, visitors must make their way towards the back to get to the heavy equipment (that’s what we in the industry call toilets and urinals). Snaking through a narrow hallway with sharp 90 degree turns, it is easy to bump into a stressed business traveler or confused tourist. This facility could definitely benefit from some well-placed convex mirrors. Family travelers will appreciate the baby-changing station tucked away in a little cove near the exit.

Sleeping Bear Dunes

Jon — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

"Long ago, along the Wisconsin shoreline, a mother bear and her two cubs were driven into Lake Michigan by a raging forest fire. The bears swam for many hours, but eventually the cubs tired and lagged behind. Mother bear reached the shore and climbed to the top of a high bluff to watch and wait for her cubs. Too tired to continue, the cubs drowned within sight of the shore. The Great Spirit Manitou created two islands to mark the spot where the cubs disappeared and then created a solitary dune to represent the faithful mother bear."
– The Legend of Sleeping Bear

Located inland near the main parking lot, these facilities are a welcome relief to the heavily hydrated day-trippers stumbling their way across Michigan’s answer to the Sahara desert. Appearing dimly lit at first, after a while my sun blindness faded and I was able to navigate my way towards a urinal. There was a suitable amount of toilets, urinals and sinks and they were devoid of any offensive smells. Old timers who haven’t visited in a while may be surprised to find the slowly advancing sand dunes now not more than 50 feet away. Soon child, the sands of change will wash over this restroom leaving nothing but wilderness in it’s place. And so the Sleeping Bear will continue it’s slumber.

West End Beach Outhouse

Jon — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Perched on the south side of West Grand Traverse Bay just west of the sand volleyball courts is a single teal and tan outhouse. While this plastic chamber is fairly modern and even spacious by outhouse standards, it was quite dirty (except it probably wasn’t dirt) and lacked any method for washing your hands. I would have been content with some hand sanitizer but instead decided to dip my hands in Lake Michigan for a good rinsing.

Lake Township Park

Jon — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

At the mouth of the Platte River it’s gently flowing waters are consumed by the restlessly lapping waves of Lake Michigan – just as your insignificant urination is met with 1.5 to 3 liters of dizzying swirling water when you flush the toilet or urinal at this nearby facility. The restroom is well-ventilated and well-stocked with everything you need to do your duty. There’s even private outdoor changing facilities located on the south side of the building. There was no vandalism or grafiti, but cleanliness was spotty.

Streamline Bar

Jon — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

This bathroom is in a very old building in Port Huron, Michigan. The interior is dank. A heavy scent of urine hits you in the face. I honestly do not think they ever clean it. It has one urinal and a stall with a broken door. It is really rather depressing. You want to get in, and get out as soon as possible.