by Justin Teerlinck

Amidst the wild acres of Park Point, there hides a crapper. To find it, seekers must be courageous, brave, and intrepid.Forget for a moment that those words all mean the same thing and picture yourself driving all the way to the far end of Park Point, the long, French bread shaped barrier island that separates Duluth harbor from the merciless waves of Lake Superior. Once you park your car, your journey has just begun.

You will tread past mile long sand dunes, through tick, mosquito and poison ivy infested grasslands, through shady stands of old growth pines with wild, enigmatic rose bushes underneath. You will do battle with three wizards, make merry with alcoholic hobbits, plant magic seeds and trip out hard, just to get a glimpse… of the Park Point Potty.

Or not…

But the lush, beautiful and desolate landscape of Park Point certainly has a tendency to evoke such imaginings. Chances are, your primary reason for footing it across several miles of trails on the Point has something to do with your love of nature or history. Nature lovers will find the aforementioned pine stands, grasslands and beaches. Local history enthusiasts will find the crumbling remains of Minnesota’s oldest lighthouse, a large abandoned building used as a “buoy depot” more than one hundred years ago, and… the Park Point Potty.

Aside from the lighthouse, the buoy depot, and a small shack in the woods the Potty is the only other structure I encountered on Park Point south of the airport. It sits on the western shore of the island, near the buoy depot on a barely noticeable foot path into the woods. Since the Park Point Potty resides on federal land and is basically abandoned, it is a “public” restroom in the broadest possible sense of the term. The Park Point Potty has many of the features one might expect to find in an abandoned outhouse including a rotting floor, miscellaneous graffiti, and an organic, mossy smelling funk that permeates the entire enclosure. I’m sure many a backcountry acre in Minnesota has its own share of forgotten outhouses and their attendant dirty little secrets, with none more intriguing than any other. But one feature in particular makes the Park Point Potty more memorable than all others: the seats.

That’s right, the seats. First of all, the seat design consists of two holes cut into a rectangular bench that spans the width of the outhouse. The seats are only about six inches apart, which makes me wonder what the designer was thinking. Were two people really expected to sit side by side, enjoying a cup of coffee or grousing about the weather, while going about their other business? Secondly, each of its seats are clearly designed with one gender in mind. On the right, you will notice the standard round hole, which ordinarily would not imply an intended use for one particular gender. However, on the left one will see a hole that appears to be cut in the shape of a circumcised penis and pair of testicles. Is this a “hers” and “his” or do I have a dirty mind? Take a close look at the picture and judge for yourself. In any case, the penis shaped hole, along with a newer looking toilet seat on the round hole leads me to strongly suspect that this crapper is not nearly as ancient as the Depot. Possibly just the structure itself is antiquated while the seats are a new addition, placed as a prank by the groups of teenagers known to party out on the Point. Like the number of licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop, “the world may never know.”

As of this writing I do not know if the dank, decrepit Park Point Potty even still exists, but I can’t see why anyone would bother to tear it down. Either way, its days are surely numbered. Find out for yourself if it still exists. You’ll have adventures on the way there. Go to Duluth and get off on the Canal Park exit. Proceed through Canal Park to the Ariel Lift Bridge and cross over it to Park Point. Follow the road as far back as you can. Park close to the airport by the beaches. Find the gravel road (on foot) behind the airport and follow it southwest to the lighthouse. Yes, it’s that burned out crumbling cylinder thing surrounded by weeds. From the lighthouse, mouse around until you find a path that leads west, toward Duluth harbor. You’ll eventually run into the Buoy Depot. Walk to the south west corner of the Depot (near the shore of the harbor) and scan the edge of the woods in that direction for a small foot path. Hike the foot path as far back as you can. In about one hundred paces you’ll run into the Park Point Potty, or what remains of it.

The Park Point Potty earns points for its location within the heart of historic and wild Park Point. It gains the most points for the penis shaped hole, a highly unique feature which I doubt has ever been replicated. This old crapper has no amenities, lies in state of perpetual atrophy and disintegration, and may even be unsafe to stand or sit down in. You wouldn’t want to anyway. Big picture: a decaying wreck with no utilitarian value to the restroomer, but well worth finding and taking a peek at. Rating:7.

Justin Teerlinck is a 28 year old freelance writer who resides in St. Paul, Mn. His bathroom reviews are founded on a bedrock of 20 solid years of independent toileting. You can find his work in the Double Dare Press, and in the Whistling Shade. Teerlinck has experience with travel writing, social commentary, movie reviews, miscellaneous reporting, short fiction, novels, animal stories, and fake advertisements but he mostly considers himself a humor writer above all. Teerlinck welcomes your non-threatening input. Write to him at Here_Leezard@msn.com.