How to Rate Restrooms Like the Pros

by Jon Thompson

So you want to be a professional restroom reviewer. You have no doubt been enticed by the glamourous lifestyle of restroom reviewers as portrayed on television. It is definitely an exciting profession, but it’s not all fun and games.There are many harsh realities of public restrooms which will appall and demoralize you – and this is good. It will keep you honest. It is very important to not become jaded by vulgar displays of restroom abandonment.

Whether you are just dabbling with writing restroom reviews on the side or seek to make a career of it, we hope you find the following tips helpful.

Be Prepared

You will need to set up your restroom-reviewer kit. Whether you keep this in a briefcase, duffle bag or a gunny sack slung over your shoulder is up to you but be sure to equip the following items.

• Pen and paper. Clipboards are also nice as they make you look more official.
• Latex Gloves for sanitary purposes. A Wakmah also comes in handy.
• Camera/Video equipment and necessary accessories
• Thermometer
• Portable chair or stool (for extended stays)
• Ziplock™ bags (you know, for taking samples)
• Q-Tips™
• DNA Testing Kit (optional)
• Portable Bunsen burner (optional)

You must also be wary of psychological impact of entering some restrooms. You can never be sure of what you may find inside. This uncertainness is what drives most restroom reviewers, much like an adrenaline-fueled stormchaser driving headlong into an F5 tornado.

Pay Attention to Details

A restroom reviewer is constantly barraged by any number of sights, sounds, feels (remember learning the difference between good touch and bad touch), tastes (rarely), and, of course, smells. It is very important to pay attention to all your senses – even your sixth sense, as it is helpful to be aware of subtle aura disturbances and trapped chi which can seriously downgrade the quality of an otherwise pristine facility.

While you should definitely make note of the obvious major implements of the restroom (toilets and sinks and whatnot), it is of equal importance that you take in the fine details; the chipped tile, the odd blue plunger, the flickering light, the lemony scent. These are the nuances which distinguish a restroom and coming to this realization will lead to a much more fulfilling reviewing experience, both for you and the reader.

Master Your Photography Skills

Many a review have been passed up by our editors because of a lack of a photo or poor photo quality. We don’t ask that our reviewers haul foot-long zoom lenses (in fact, please don’t. That’s just too much detail), tripods and external flashes to get a good photo. Most consumer grade cameras will work well enough. However, the flash often becomes overpowering in tight spaces and fails to accurately capture the lighting of the restroom. If you can, open the aperture (by turning the F-stop down) or slow down the shutter speed so that you can go without the flash.

When photographing in restrooms with other people inside, you may want to hang back a bit and wait for everyone to leave. Many people will get suspicious if they see you with a camera. In busier restrooms where this is just not possible, it’s best to make all essential notes first, then make your way towards the exit and grab a quick snapshot. You will be out the door by the time everyone figures out what just happened. Hopefully your photo turned out okay.

Go To It!

Once you’ve gathered all of your information, you’re ready to write the review. Use your own writing style (or borrow one) to give your review a unique voice. Submit your final product here. We look forward to hearing from you.

Jon Thompson is the co-founder and creator of Restroom Ratings. He is an acclaimed speaker on public restrooms in the United States and is available to speak at your next high school pep rally or corporate team-building event.