Potty Patrol
by Richard Chin, Pioneer Press March 14, 2004
It's lunchtime, and we're crowded into the men's bathroom at Fhima's restaurant in downtown St. Paul with Jon and Ami Thompson.
It's spotless, the Thompsons note approvingly.
The actual toilet is housed in a separate little room with a real door, they point out. A nice touch for the privacy-minded. They praise the rectangular mirrors over the sinks that tilt forward to give an expansive view of the room. They declare the round swiveling vanity mirrors installed next to the sinks are "very metrosexual."
They try the hand soap, count the garbage cans, ponder whether the lighting is flattering and snap some photographs. Ami ducks out to check the women's room, returning to report that while there's hairspray and lotion there, it lacks the orange-red panel of light running along a wall of the men's room.
"We have some gender inequity," she frowns. "For me, that's a big no-no."
It's not a health inspection or a restaurant review. It's a bathroom review.
The Thompsons are creators of www.restroomratings.com, a Web site devoted to publishing evaluations of public toilets.
The Minneapolis couple says their quest to promote better bathrooms and inform fellow consumers of good places to go started about 3½ years ago.
"I was complaining on a car trip how you never know what the bathroom will be like," Ami Thompson says.
At your typical highway junction pit stop, there might be four or five gas station or fast-food restaurant options, she says. It's a crapshoot trying to guess which has a nice, clean bathroom.
Jon's answer was to create the Web site as a surprise Christmas 2000 present for his wife. He initially had ratings of five bathrooms. Now, there are about 75 online reviews.
The bulk of the reviews are done at restaurants, ranging from the fancy schmancy ("Gratuitously large stalls appear as a tribute to the dining atmosphere which seems open and airy without feeling empty and lonely." — Pazzaluna) to fast-food joints ("I marveled at the sturdy and satisfying door lock." — Taco Bell).
But you'll also find evaluations of the powder rooms of gas stations, the trough urinals in sports stadiums and the WCs in theaters, museums, office buildings, hospitals, libraries, malls and tourist attractions.
They invite others to submit reviews but so far haven't gotten many. So the Thompsons have done the vast majority of the ratings themselves. They are the head inspectors, you might say.
By the Numbers
Besides a written description and usually a photograph, each bathroom review also features a score ranging from 1 (really bad can) to 10 (a great lavatory).
As you might suspect, cleanliness is important.
"Having a (piece of excrement sitting on the toilet rim) is probably not a good idea if your restroom is going to be reviewed that day," says Jon of a Holiday gas station bathroom in St. Paul that rated a 2.
"Excrement should be in the toilet," Ami agrees.
But cleanliness isn't everything. The Thompsons also like to see the unique, the aesthetically pleasing, something that elevates the privy experience.
A Quizno's in St. Paul, for example, got an 8 because of framed zebra and lion artwork, a light switch cover with a rooster on it and an 18-inch-tall pedestal in the shape of a monkey.
Compare that with Sakura in St. Paul, which got only a 6 for being a "brazenly bland chamber" that didn't reflect the "wonderful décor" in the rest of the restaurant.
"If you have just a clean, boring bathroom, you won't get a very high score," says Ami, 23.
But a somewhat messy bathroom might rank well if it distinguishes itself in some other way, like being interesting or well integrated with the theme of the restaurant.
"It's possible. It depends on what kind of mood we're in," says Jon, 25.
Pretty much every aspect of public latrine design is fair game for commentary: size, color scheme, lighting and fixtures, vending machines, noise, soap, toilet paper quality, odor, graffiti, visible presence of plungers or cleaning supplies.
An example of a top-flight bathroom, according to Restroom Ratings, is the toilet at the Loring Pasta Bar in Minneapolis. It rated a 10 and was lauded for "organically shaped brick and cast-iron work, stylish fixtures and colorful accent lighting."
"From the moment you enter, it is clear that a lot of love has been put into accommodating your bladder-draining experience," according to the review.
Flush and Flow
It's a subjective call, the Thompsons admit.
"Trough urinals automatically steps you down about five points," Jon says.
There are also demerits for those rolling fabric hand towel machines, according to Ami. She likes warm-air hand dryers. And she liked an electric, automatic paper towel dispenser she encountered in an otherwise grungy Citgo in Mequon, Wis.
"If it's touchless, we definitely like that," she says.
Toilet function is important. She worries about ones that threaten to overflow or are fussy to operate.
"I don't like the jet engine (flushers), especially the automatic ones, because sometimes they go off when you're on them, and they spray you," she says. She also thinks powerful flushers spew germs.
"You like the jet engines," she says to her husband.
"Because you know it's going down," he replies.
"I don't like bar soap," she says.
"Bar soap is bad," he says.
But flow is good and not just down the drain.
Public bathrooms should have a sort of feng shui, according to the Thompsons.
"The toilet and sink and paper towel and the door should always be aligned," Ami says.
Back in the Fhima's bathroom, as an out-of-town diner comes in, the Thompsons are wondering whether the white tile floor and walls are a little too clinical.
"Is there a convention in here or what?" the bemused customer says. "I think I can make it to the bathroom in the hotel," he decides after learning that the bathroom is being reviewed.
"A lot of people aren't that nice," Ami says. "Sometimes, they're angry. It's hard to, like, even carry a camera into a bathroom."
"If there's a crowd, I plan my escape. I'll take a photo and run out so people don't think I'm a pervert," Jon says.
A manager from Fhima's steps in and asks what's going on. She seems a little concerned about all the photography, but after she learns the restaurant is on the verge of getting a pretty high bathroom rating, she offers to show the Thompsons the bathroom in the restaurant's banquet room.
Reading Material
Restroom Ratings has a surprisingly high Google ranking. Search for "Birchwood Café," for example, and the Web site's bathroom review of the Minneapolis restaurant is the fourth listing.
So far, the Thompsons, who own a graphic design business, don't think their Web site is swaying diners' decisions on which restaurants to patronize.
"I think people use it for entertainment more than anything else," Ami says. Although, "I think if a restaurant has a super-cool restroom, that would be an attraction."
And some people are taking the reviews at least somewhat seriously. Some companies have paid to have their links listed on the Web site.
"We make about $500 a year," Jon says.
And they have gotten some responses from the establishments they've rated.
Coffee Eclectic in Minneapolis wanted to know what they could do to improve their review, which disapprovingly noted a sign on the toilet instructing users to "hold handle down for at least 5-10 seconds when flushing."
"You can't get a good rating if your toilet is broken," Ami says.
Coffee shop owner Mary Buhr says her new water-saving toilet was a little finicky when her business opened in November, but the problem is fixed now.
"On some level, it's weird," Buhr says. "What are people doing going into your restroom taking pictures?"
Restroom Ratings' newly published review of Fhima's praises the bathroom mirrors and the private toilet rooms and notes the lighting, lotions, chrome garbage can and sculptured relief artwork hanging next to the bathroom doors.
"It is apparent this hip bistro takes their restrooms seriously," according to the Web site. They gave it a 9.
