Straight River Rest Area - Northbound I35

Straight River Rest Area - Northbound I35

Owatonna, MN

Reviewed May 24th, 2005

The buzzing sound coming from the bathroom was so loud and all pervasive that it shook me completely. It was being inside a cat while it purrs. But skylight windows, giant tubular ventilation pipes, 70's style typeface on the lettering of the outside sign, and odd, creepy angles in the interior indicated more of an abandoned mothership then the insides of a cat. I'm sure that if I had been able to find the elevator, it would have taken me to a subterranean complex filled with all the villains from every Dr. Who episode made before 1980. Either that or its the underground city of the Planet of the Apes and those overlord dudes that communicate through turning lights on and off and high pitched squeals but they're really not overlords just people with bad ass radiation burns who evolved into mutants that worship a nuclear missile as a god. You know, something like that.

I've never seen a rest area cop before but on our formally planned and executed review visit (months of pre-planning) we saw a guy wearing janitor clothes but he had a badge like he was some kind of law dude or something. "Oh?" Thats what I imagine this man would say if I was giving him this description in person. I wanted to ask him what was up and if it was a rest area cop or just a rest room cop or just some gray haired dude who's in to badges and janitor clothes. "How's that?" Either way, I totally respect where he's at and the new energy he's creating just by the presence of his being. "Say?" I think there is a dynamic parallel between those who clean up messes in law enforcement and those who clean up messes at rest stop restrooms. In fact, a lot of super heroes turn out to be janitors or maintenance engineers in their spare time. Well, its not their "spare time" because they have no time to spare because they're always on the look out for bad guys and evildoers. "Come again?" In fact, its really their cover because every super hero needs a cover, some sort of alter ego in order to you know, go all incognito and stuff. "Oh?" I mean, well, which would you be if not a super hero an evildoer or a bad guy? They're both similar but not the same you know. "Say?" Yeah, man. Yeah. Well, uh. I gotta go. I gotta score some scag before I uh...start in with the shakes you know 'cause, uh, that's not cool. Oh yeah, and uh my girlfriend took off for awhile and the baby is just sort of sitting there alone so, uh, peace out man. "How's that?"

- Justin Teerlinck

RESTROOM RATING: 8
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