Gooseberry Falls State Park Joseph N. Alexander Visitor Center

Gooseberry Falls State Park Joseph N. Alexander Visitor Center

Castle Danger, MN

Reviewed May 30th, 2005

My brother really liked the signs in the men's bathroom that offered wise words about staying on the trail and other subjects. LET ME GROW is the militant demand of one sign that depicted a yellow flower. "Flowers provide animals with food and homes." No way man. I'm not buying it. If that was true then all the flowers would be eaten by now. "Flowers make seeds (new plants) which become winter food for animals." Bullshit. "Bark is the skin of a tree! Peeling bark leads to death!" continues the sign in the same radical vein. Huh? I don't get it. Just below that line the sign says death is a good thing: "Trees that are dead, dying or hollow make great homes and nesting places for animals! As trees decay, thousands of insects and other small creatures move in, which in turn provide food for other animals." Yeah... But do those other animals pay rent and property taxes like me? I don't think so. One theme I noticed throughout the sign is its faunacentric emphasis. That's right. You heard me: faunacentric, as in animals. Animals this, animals that. Plants make great homes for animals. Plants make great food for animals. I'm sick of it. Its as though the only purpose of plants is to serve animals. Animals! Just because animals can move a little faster doesn't mean they own the world or something. For the record, I do think animals are great. Hey, I am an animal, so I'm in a place where I can empathize with the pro-animal perspective. But just like we say "animals are people too," I say "plants are people too." ...or animals too. Oh brother. You know what I mean. And I think its about time we started thinking about what we animals can do for our pals the plants and other non-mobile or reduced mobility members of other kingdoms such as monera, fungi and protozoa. Those kingdoms just never make it in the press anymore. Just a thought. By the way, the bathrooms are clean and spacious at the glorified rest area known as Gooseberry Falls Sate Park, especially at the visitor center. There is also a private, unisex wheelchair accessible stall with touch free everything (except toilet) and a hand dryer with the words "Dr. Doobie" scratched in.

If you have poopy little kids that scream, cry and like to splash, then Gooseberry Falls is your premier north shore destination. My god! We saw thousands of parents leading wailing toddlers by the arm, schlepping sloppy dirty diapers around, sticking their farty little kids in the tide pools right next to the falls. I don't know why they were doing that. It seemed dangerous, even if it wasn't really a tide pool. We also saw the supreme omen of good tidings and luck: a big, floppy boxer dog. He was real cute and I had to pet him. The owner gave permission. She had too. Boxer freaks pet boxers. Its just what we do. Nobody can stop it because theres too much love. Speaking of dogs, there were also bathrooms for them, in a way. Posted on the trail leading to the falls were metal containers that contained plastic bags and a sign that said "DogiPot" and had an icon of a dog next to a fire hydrant. Apparently at Gooseberry Falls they employ dogs to put out fires instead of fire people. Where was the "pot" though? I only saw a bag.

- Justin Teerlinck

RESTROOM RATING: 7
View Website   Send this review to a friend