Conata Picnic Area

Badlands National Park, SD

Reviewed June 10th, 2005

Picnic tables in the near desert chaparral. Steaks on the portable gas grill, home made hummus on sourdough. A brand new tourist knife rest open on the table, having just successfully completed its first assignment: pop the top off of my ice cold corona extra, glistening with dew as the sun beams illuminate its blonde interior. Its my fourth. Nice is here and she is happy. We are just beginning to relax after eight hours on the road, dodging lighting strikes and sonic waves of thunder claps, perdition's minions on Earth. The sun triumphs, spreading its wings over us and I want to pour out a little corona, truly a sun made beer of a sun loving people, in honor of our pagan savior but I smell my food and I forget about it for now. After the food and more beers I join my fellow traveler, lover, companion discoverer and we descend upon the sun's children: the Plant People, glorious flowers everywhere, with camera and field guides. A warning to all amateur botanists and plant enthusiasts: never take pictures of plants after the sixth corona; they always look too good too be true.

The little bunny we met was a western cottontail, chewed his cud with an accent, was chased over to us by screaming children. There he sat, right next to us, just going about his little business. His calm made me calm. Ditto the mountain sheep mama who led her baby sheeps over to us (at a different time and place). They were not petting sheeps and this was not a zoo. Nothing, nothing, nothing beats wild animals, wild flowers, good beers, no injuries, contented lovers, no worries of any kind; its enough to make a guy grateful to be alive and endowed with the faculties of mind and awareness of possibility bestowed on every individual human being at every emerging moment in time. What a difference a few flowers and some sun can make. The way I write, you'd think I was just released from prison.

The single outhouse serving this humble, quiet recreation area, maybe my favorite place in all of Badlands National Park, stands clean, solid and ready. Perhaps because of the typically dry environment and lighter traffic, this may be the cleanest and most pleasant no-plumbing, no-frills outhouse I have ever used. Because of the heat and the fact that I was wearing jeans, I had to change clothes in there. Normally, the thought of any body part touching any part of an outhouse sends shivers up my spine. Maybe it was the corona, maybe the heat, maybe the time and place, but my bare feet felt good on the cool, clean, smooth gray cement floor of the loo. No plumbing, no water but there was plenty of toilet paper and in addition to that, a wall mounted hand sanitizer dispenser! Welcome to the 21st century! Every outhouse I saw in the park carried this necessity. Unfortunately, the more heavily used outhouses along the scenic drive in the park smelled really fecal, but at least they were clean. The one at Conata Pic-a-nic Area was freakin' flawless. It needed no art. It needed nothing. It was a part of the environment, held captive by flowers, appreciated mightily by pants changers and beer drinkers.

- Justin Teerlinck

RESTROOM RATING: 9
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