Hilltop Service Inc.

Hilltop Service Inc.

Draper, SD

Reviewed June 12th, 2005

Geographically speaking, Draper is not the middle of nowhere. Draper is the far edge of nowhere. Hilltop Service Inc. is an auto repair shop/ gas station and a place that has only half a deer head on the wall. The other half? Escaped I reckon. On the way in the sign reads: "Don't run over our puppy!" Words of wisdom indeed. Nice tried out the ladies and said that it was very old but very clean and it had something she nor I had ever previously seen: a guest log... In the bathroom... I said, "smoochkins are you sure it wasn't a maintenance log, you know like janitors have at some places?" She said, "no my little, blubber filled hairy lover man. I'm sure it wasn't. It was signed and dated by different people from different places with comments." Wow, what a bummer that the men's didn't have that too. The men's however did contain a thing that the women's did not: a freestanding, ancient Marlboro ash can. There were broken tiles over the sink and the sink made a machine gun noise when I turned the hot water knob. Still, the water was hot, the toilet clean, the loo private and the paper towels just kept on coming out of the dispenser to meet me. God I felt like a rock star! "Oh you are a rock star, at least to me you are my little muffinhead!" Okay Nice didn't really say that, but she said other nice things.

Muffinhead still applies however, for upon the purchase of individually packaged headache medications I made an unsuccessful attempt to release the pills from their cells with paw and claw to no avail. Weary and angry with these efforts I spied an open knife on the counter and to the horror of the clerk I used it on the packages. "You picked up a knife?" said Nice. "God you're dumb. Those guys were rural gas station dudes. They probably thought you were going to rob them! What the hell is the matter with you?" Point taken, my love but instinct tells me that most would be bandits arrive at the party with their own weapons. Besides, if they were worried about robbery, why would they keep a pile of knives in a box on the counter next to the cash register with one of the knives sitting open? Maybe they just want somebody to try it so they have an excuse to test out Jimmy's new Remington pump action twelve gauge, but I think the knives are likely the cultural legacy of a time when weapons were common and people carried and displayed everywhere. "You're such a know-it-all, Mr. Anthropology Guy." There, Nice didn't have to say it. I said it for her...with love, not spite.

- Justin Teerlinck

RESTROOM RATING: 7
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