Whole Foods

Whole Foods

St. Paul, MN

Reviewed June 28th, 2005

Small restrooms, but barely used. People come here to buy their organic pate, not to powder their noses. The men's had a picture of a vegetable with instructions explaining how to wash your hands. If any rutabagas enter the john, they'll see the sign and know exactly what to do. I love the gourmet food here and exotic smoked fish nibblets and rainforest friendly toilet paper, but the people are disgusting. Here at Whole Foods, the cashiers have been trained to act like submissive, beaten servants and that is just how they are treated. Every time I try to bag my own groceries, these poor souls act shocked, like they'll be sent outside for a beat down if anyone sees. Not surprisingly, limp wristed infantile yuppies who come here not only chat away on their cell phone while some 16 year old anemic vegan bags their free range llama steaks or organic lamb and ostrich dog food, they actually leave their carts blocking the aisle and try to pretend they forgot. It is ironic that for the supposedly "globally conscious" outlook of the people who shop here, so many of these people act in their local environment like they're the only ones who exist in the world. For the record, I love money, yuppies and llamas. If I could, I'd certainly have as much money as they do, maybe more. But really, I wish people would show a little respect and acknowledgement for their fellow human beings. Is it too much to ask for people not to describe their yeast infections and butt problems on the phone while standing in line to pay for groceries? Hell, I'm fairly disgusting and even I don't do that unless I'm wasted. I save it for my reviews. Is it too much to ask to bag your own groceries and not force some eighty pound vegan to do it for you? Unless you are disabled or have a baby in your arms, there really is no excuse. I think people just want the convenience of being able to spend money mindlessly so they can feel they've "helped the earth" without having done anything except consume. Then they can look down their noses at the people who shop at Walmart for being "exploitative" and disguise their bourgeois organic classism beneath a thin veneer of false liberal do-goodism. Bah! I'm a cranky old fart I know. Can I deny that I haven't imitated these attitudes at some point in my life? No. Whole Foods has awesome pot stickers, smoked fishes, soy milk, corn fritters and hard working service people. Give them a break. Smile and say hi to them. Get off your damn cell phone. Stop gabbing about the problems you're having with your El Salvadoran nanny. Nobody gives a damn about your Jaguar or your Summit Avenue mansion, so quit acting like organic royalty. Peace out.

The bathrooms here have pictures of roots. I like that.

- Justin Teerlinck

RESTROOM RATING: 7
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