Roseville Public Library

Roseville Public Library

Roseville, MN

Reviewed December 7th, 2005

I'm slow but I like to learn. Is that too much info, bro? Well, the truth always hurts... sometimes. In the case of the Roseville Library, there is always more to learn. Within these hallowed halls one can find a veritable plethora of words, pictures, ideas, information. A large reference section, audio-visual materials, copy center, consumer information section, coffee house and internet accessible computers add definition and structure to the flesh and bone of history, literature, science and politics. The state-of-the-art facilities for knowledge and learning at this library deserve no less than up to date facilities for the ceaseless demands of human eliminatory functions.

I find it amazing that a library containing a two-story coffee shop with plush couches, internet terminals and a drive-up window could have such a sore spot. A book about Civil War medicine I recently borrowed from the library described the torments of men's bowels as they suffered through typhoid and dysentary epidemics. The book might have described the same sort of thing at the Roseville library, at least if the Roseville library was Civil War medicine, which it is not. Surely there must be a book somewhere in the library that describes the diuretic properties of caffeine and what happens when reading and coffee drinking combine with time. Understandably, the bathrooms at this much beloved branch of the Ramsey County Public Library system get a lot of traffic and abuse but the effects of that abuse would be profoundly lessened if they contained more than one stall per gender. On this visit as well as numerous others, I found wet, dirty sinks, raunchy toilets nastier than a butthole's armpit and an everpresent odor that puts the F in fecal. Ironically, an emergency evacuation plan near the door instructs patrons exactly how to flee from this foul den of stankacity.

I have no doubt whatever that the dedicated maintenance people have done all they could to keep this wreck running; they fought the good fight but now its time for a retreat. The American Civil War ended 300 years ago, and so did the restrooms at this beloved lovely house of literature, learning and florescent light. What exactly does that mean, and why is it relevent...to anything? Don't you dare ask me that! Ever! Relevence is for born losers and meaning is for the damned. In such dark places, anarchy can be the only rule; let the urine fall where it may and check for wounded later.

- Justin Teerlinck

RESTROOM RATING: 3
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