First National Bank Building, Third Floor

First National Bank Building, Third Floor

Missoula, MT

Reviewed March 22nd, 2006

Pity the third-floor bathrooms.

Main floor bathrooms get all the foot traffic. They come equipped with all the features. Multiple urinals. A handicapped-accessible stall. Plenty of soap. The ground floor is where the action is. They overflow with attention and energy.

Bathrooms higher than the third floor don't see much foot traffic, but the traffic they do see is committed. Building residents, usually. Classy people, wearing long woolen trousers and smartly waxed mustaches. People who re-lower the seat. Though few in number, they bring passion and a dash of elegance to the act.

On the third-floor of the First Security Bank building (100 Broadway, Missoula, MT, 59801), abides a bathroom enjoying none of these advantages. The bathroom is small, scarcely large enough for the toilet, stall walls, and a sink. The toilet itself is rarely clean, yet never extraordinarily dirty. It offers none of the peace of mind we associate with a sparklingly antiseptic toilet, yet none of the thrill of a dangerous flirtation with bacteria and disease.

Despite the challenge, this bathroom excels--like the determined orphan who rises above his station--in the one way it can: Hand drying.

Witness the photos of this machine, a Chicago Hardware Foundry, Inc. "Sani-Dri" model 8A. See this and tremble in admiration and awe.

Start this hand dryer up with a tactile push. Hear the distant majesty as the motor kicks on with a light thump. The fan spins up, and the heat flows - nay, emerges - like the breath of a kindly dragon. Today's cheap hand dryers rely on too much air and too little heat. This unit wafts heat like a small sun, drying your hands with love instead of a frantic, ineffectual blowing and huffing.

Note its power rating: 17 amps. For the non-electrical, this rating is nearly equal to an entire circuit in your house. You could run your living room, your home office, and maybe a refrigerator on that much electricity. Modern area space heaters can't even touch this.

Look at that button. It was installed in the 1950s and the heavily worn face attests to its determination. It will not quit. Will. Not. Quit.

Not this unit, my friend.

Examine the enameled steel air nozzle. It bends gradually, working the air, instead of attacking it. Do you know much pressure is lost at every 90-degree bend in an air handling system? Do you have any idea?

Neither do I, but I imagine it is a great deal. This nozzle takes no such chances. Unlike the abrupt little chrome air redirects so common in this cheap age, this elongated nozzle makes sweet persuasive love to the air as it passes toward your expectant, dripping hands.

Remember your mother gently drying your hands when you were but a wee tot? This feels better. If a machine can love, this is what it feels like.

Go try it. Just leave your hand lotion at home. You won't need it.

- Jason Lathrop

RESTROOM RATING: 7
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