Rincon de Viejo National Park

Rincon de Viejo National Park

Liberia, Costa Rica

Reviewed June 29th, 2006

This place is like a mini Yellowstone. Here, the intrepid, the shy and the stupid can gaze upon mud vents and sulphur pots called fumaroles and a baby volcano called a volcanito. The baby volcano cries and squeals alot and screams "conserve me! Conserve me! Ahhhhhhhhh!" Its quit a sight. Over three decades ago (a relatively short time, geologically speaking) the volcanito spewed forth from the earth in a furry of ash and molten smegma, proving once again that volcanoes do not need human beings more than human beings need them.

Park flora includes centuries old guanacaste (for which the province is named)and ceiba trees towering thousands of meters above the Colorado River, their tap roots stepping onto the trail like giants'feet, their branches twined and entagled in mirad sepentine forms that defy the essence of every storybook imgined Deep Dark Wood. Multicolored squrrels dart to and fro white monkeys prowl the treetops in search of a furtive glimpse of their primary prey: gringos'handbags.

The servicios sanitarios, as they are called here include toilets that flush by pulling a rope that sticks out of a hole where the handle ought to be. Giant, deadly human hating poisonous spiders creep in the corners, waiting to commit acts of unspeakable degradation and cruelty upon any who venture too near their evil, thread woven lairs of death. One of the bathrooms featured a hand drawn picture of a toilet with the word "malo!" (bad!) screaming its monosyllabic warning at the weak, weary and innocent. Why "Malo!"? Don't know... The toilet flushed, there were no spiders, it looked clean. Maybe a clown put a spell on thaty stall and infused it with evil clown mojo. That might be hard to detect without infared or ultraviolet.

- Justin Teerlinck

RESTROOM RATING: 6
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